Usha Tambe – The Writer Who molds Concrete With her Pen -Translation of an article on my mother

(Link) Think Maharashtra Article on Aai       

 I am translating this article which appeared in Think Maharashtra on September 5, 2020 about my mother on popular demand!

Usha Tambe is truly a many faceted personality. She is a professor, interviewer, literary critic, author, skilled translator whether English to Marathi or vice versa, additionally she has the ability to write originally in both languages, naming just a few of her qualities. Among the various responsibilities that she has handled successfully and distinctively, are, member of the all India Marathi Literary Association, chairperson of Mumbai Marathi Sahitya Sangh. While she might appear to be a true Mumbaikar, Usha Tambe is a native of Vidarbha and moved to Mumbai with her husband Shashikant Tambe when he was transferred here. She nurtured the warmth and hospitality of her native Vidarbha and developed a vast network of family and friends throughout Maharashtra.

As one of the primary officials of Mumbai Marathi Sahitya Sangh, her focus is firmly, the world of Marathi literature. Whether it was the chairpersonship of Mumbai Marathi Sahitya Sangh or of the All India Marathi Sahitya Sangh, Usha Tambe has handled both very skillfully. In any organization, there are as many opinions as there are people. While dealing with the complex issues that arise, the soft-spoken Usha Tambe has demonstrated that she has the inborn ability to tactfully and gently handle any situation.

Usha Tambe née Thakur was born in Amravati in a staunch Gandhian household, to parents who were freedom fighters. Illustrious visitors such as Union health minister Amrita Kaur, Governor of Punjab, Kaka Saheb Gadgil regularly graced her home. Naturally, with this background, her path to a master’s degree in English literature was assured, but above that she earned a gold medal that year. Soon she was married to a suitable engineer groom and fully immersed herself into her new role as Usha Shashikant Tambe. Shashikant Tambe a man of few words, was himself well read, but in the field of science. Reminiscing about an incident in the early years of marriage, Usha Tambe  recalls; after watching the movie Mughal-e-Azam while she was animatedly discussing the movie in great detail, Shashikant had only one observation, “ The movie shows Anarkali being entombed in bricks….that was wrong, because such bricks did not exist in the time of Akbar!” Both Usha and Shashikant are artistic and engaged but in very different ways. What the poetic mind of Usha could not see, was quickly grasped by her executive engineer husband.                                                                                                                                                                                  

  Usha Tambe was living a comfortable, fulfilled and happy life as wife of Shashikant Tambe and mother of two children, when they had to relocate to Mumbai due to his job. Until then Shashikant had worked in towns like Yeldari, Nagpur and Amravati in the Public Works Department. The move to Mumbai changed their lives completely. Usha decided to work, and hence started teaching English at Bandodkar college in Thane. Very quickly she established herself as a professor to be respected and heard. Over time she became one of the most admired members of the faculty. It was around this time that she got acquainted with Mumbai Marathi Sahitya Sangh. She got the golden opportunity to interview well known writer Pupul Jaykar who had written the bestseller “Indira” and its translator Ashok Jain, the former in English and the latter in Marathi, simultaneously.  The interview was very engrossing because of Usha Tambe’s precision, positive personality, and her ability to engage the panel in interesting conversation. After this, she was warmly welcomed in the world of Marathi literature in Mumbai. She started writing for newspapers. Her book reviews of the works of literary giants, rich in variety, published in several newspapers, became famous. Examples are; R.C. Dhere’s “Bharatiya Rangabhoomichya Shodha”, “Lokasanskrutiche Upasak”; “Madhyama” written by Ashok Kelkar, “Vyaktirekha” written by Y.D. Phadke; “Maalangatha” written by Indira Sant; “Dalit Sahityache Soundaryashastra” written by Sharankumar Limbale; “Manatle Abhal” by Aruna Dhere; “Samantar” by Vijaya Rajyadhyaksha. Her specialization being English Literature, Usha Tambe has written a lot about books in that language.

Now, Usha Tambe pivoted firmly towards writing her original works. While she was familiar with the world of academics and literature, Shashikant Tambe was completely immersed in his professional work of engineering projects of roads and bridges and developing infrastructure. He had rapidly risen to the post of Chief Engineer and Usha Tambe was subconsciously absorbing the construction projects he was involved in. Many times, she had to accompany him to the distant sites. Her imagination was captured by these out-of-the-box topics that had never-before been explored in Marathi literature. Consequently, her first book was interestingly titled “Concrete che Kimayagar” (the miracle workers in concrete). In the book, she highlights various infrastructure projects in Maharashtra with accuracy and elegance.  

Often these projects are far from the city, sometimes in wilderness, but that did not stop Usha Tambe from visiting these locations, ascertaining all the precise details and then presenting them in her literary style. Without even a passing acquaintance with engineering, she has presented such details of the technical work involved, that a reader might believe that she is an expert in the field! The book is prefaced with an introduction by Shri Madhavrao Chitale.

Usha Tambe then took up the Koyna dam project for her literary exploration. Here she had to delve further and research the subject extensively. With scholarship, empathy and persistence she first studied underground hydroelectric power stations, what it meant to change the course of the mighty Koyna river, underground tunnels and the physical and mental stresses and strains of working hundreds of feet underground. She also studied the interrelationships between dams, floods, earthquakes and their impact on human lives. The resultant work was titled “Kahani Koynechi” and presented the complexities of the Koyna Dam project in an easily readable style. Usha Tambe had created a niche for herself at this point and her next exploratory work was on a topic that the whole country was curious about and that was the Worli Sea Link bridge in Mumbai. After that, in 2014, she wrote “Romanchkari Railway”, which was published by Rajhans in 2014. Her husband was her constant support throughout and contributed to her success in her books on engineering. 

Despite her mastery in technical subjects, when she writes short stories and creative literature she is on home ground. Her first story, “Maz phool hee rutave” published by the magazine “Maher” was the beginning of her journey. Her collection of short stories, “Parighabaher” won the Maharashtra State’s Divaker Krishna award. Commenting on the collection, writer Shantaram said,” this collection assures the reader of the future of the Marathi katha”. “Samvad” was another collection of stories exploring novel aspects of the human psyche. After this Usha Tambe turned to the world of translating literary works. “In the Land of Mandela” (Mandelachya Deshat), by Vijay Naik, “Missing You” (Tujhavin Sansari) by Asha Mulgaokar, “Open Heart” (Hoshiva Mehodu) by Israeli writer Yevoshuha to “Chedita Hrudaya he”. These translations from Marathi to English and in some cases English to Marathi were well received by the readers. “Kabul Beauty School” by Deborah Rodriguez, “A Slight Trick of the Mind”, a book based on Sherlock Holmes by Mitch Cullin, were some others translated by Usha Tambe. She has also translated Shashi Deshpande’s short stories into the book “Janeev”. Even the titles of her stories, articles and collections are very creative and apt!

“Kahani Koynechi” and “Janeev” won her the prestigious Maharashtra State awards and “Chedita Hrudaya He” was awarded by Maharashtra Sahitya Parishad (Pune). She has won the G.N. Joglekar award in recognition of her work in the field of education, creative writing literary organization. After serving as the editor of “Sahitya” magazine for three years, Usha Tambe accepted more responsibility at the Sahitya Sangh. This multi-talented and multi-faceted personality increased her impact as her leadership responsibilities grew. Even while achieving greater heights in her role at the helm of the organization, she has not allowed her writing to lag.

Written by: Anupama Ujgare

Well known Poet and Mumbai Marathi Sahitya Sangh official 

6 Yards of Happiness

A whole year has gone by and I have had zero inspiration to write anything. I decided that 2019 will be a fresh start. The first blog post of the year should be a happy one. A joyful memory popped into my head. Me aged about 7 with my head wrapped in a long towel which represented my supposedly long flowing hair, dressed in my mother’s saree playing ‘house’. My love for sarees was born very early no doubt heavily influenced by my mother’s excellent knowledge of and choice in the same. Every time I go back home, one of my favorite activities is to go through her exquisite, eclectic and seemingly endless saree collection. I remember my mother going delirious over the gorgeous  sarees worn by the actresses Rakhee and Rekha while watching the movie Basera which was viewed through a veil of tears as the story was so sad and frankly implausible; although fact is stranger they say.

This is an ode to the glorious saree! Its 6 yards of an explosion of color, soft luxury and regalia in the form of a list of my favorites. 

Paithani 

This is the jewel in the crown, my absolute top choice, the Paithani. These gorgeous silk sarees in bright colors with real gold thread embroidery, have made a very big comeback after having been relegated to the background for decades. Known after the town Paithan in Maharashtra where they are manufactured, the art of weaving these started around 200 BC and went through many cycles of popularity and decline. This art was at one time revived by none other than the Mughal king Aurangzeb himself! Who knew that he had an artistic side! 

A thing of such beauty can not be long ignored. Exquisite and elaborate motifs of parrots and peacocks (raghu mor) are sometimes woven into the borders or at times a simple narali or coconut pattern suffices. There are endless permutations and combinations of colors, borders, pallu and buttis. As a result one can collect quite a large number of these sarees!  These days there is a new avatar of this traditional saree and that’s the Banarasi Paithani which is like an eternal extravaganza, a never ending parade! One of the most precious possessions one can have is a Paithani passed down generations still shining as grand as the day it was first draped. Real gold never tarnishes you see!

Baluchari

Imagine an epic woven into your saree, the entire Ramayana and Mahabharata in gold or silk and there you have the impossibly beautiful Baluchari or its golden sister the Swarnachari saree originally from Bengal.  During the Mughal and British eras these sarees had appropriately suitable motifs, such as scenes from the lives of the Nawabs and the English. This saree is not in my closet yet but that’s because I can’t make up my mind about the color that I like the most! 

Banarasi

                                                                                                            Have you watched the movie Abhimaan? I recommend it for all saree lovers. All the gorgeous sarees worn by Jaya Bachchan in that movie are Banarasis! More recently  Priyanka Chopra and Anushka Sharma popularized the material when they donned  Banarasi ghagra choli and saree respectively for their wedding receptions. I too have a red Banarasi saree that I love a lot, given by my mum-in law for my wedding reception. 


Colorful sarees with brocade embroidery in Mughal Motifs would describe a Banarasi saree very well. Associated with weddings, typically these sarees are to be savored for their richness of look and feel.

If you travel to Banaras and visit the looms, you will be told that the top designers from  Mumbai and Delhi have patented some of the designs. Those designs cannot be reproduced.  

The Banarasi weave is now a 'Geographical Indication Right" which is similar to Intellectual Property Rights except it’s for an entire region.

Kashida

It would not be accurate to classify this as a saree by itself because its actually a kind of embroidery that's done on Ilkal sarees. Kashida or Kasuti is a distinguished cotton thread embroidery work that originated in Karnataka. It is a traditional embroidery that is done by counting the horizontal and vertical threads with various designs. It has motifs like palanquins, elephants, Tulsi Vrindavan, lotus, parrots, and small birds. Kasuti work is generally done on Ilkal sarees. Ilkal sarees are made in the Ilkal town of Bagalkot district of Karnataka. There is a very famous Lavani song from a Marathi movie that goes  "Reshamachya Reghanni, Laal pivlya dhagyani, karnataki kashida mee kadheela, haat naga laau majhya sadi la.............."(the meaning would be lost in translation, so I will not even try!)

                                                 Reshamachya Reghani     

My gorgeous wedding saree that my uncle and aunt presented me with was from Hubli, Karnataka, and was yellow, as tradition demands, with beautiful hand embroidered Kashida work on it. 

                                              Sambalpuri

This saree from Orissa is really exquisite! It is a very intricate tie and dye technique which dates back to the 1100 AD period. Sambalpuri sarees are known for their incorporation of traditional motifs like Shankha (shell), Chakra (wheel), Phula (flower), all of which have deep symbolism with the native Odia colour red black and white representing Odia culture along with the colors on Lord Jagannatha's face. 

Kanchipuram

The undisputed queen of silks is the Kanjivaram or Kanchipuram silk saree. Frankly some of my friends would not forgive me if I did not include this in the top category!This saree was born when famous weavers from Andhra Pradesh traveled to Kanchipuram during the reign of King Krishna Deva Raya in the early 1500s. The sarees can range from 100s of dollars to the 1000s to the 10s of 1000s. Kanchipuram sarees evoke culture, tradition and sheer elegance. Compare the feel of the silk of a well worn Kanjivaram with other silks. The touch is divine!






I have come to the end of my top 6 but it is very painfully evident that I have not even scratched the surface of the unlimited variety of sarees woven and worn in India. The list is impossible to cover and this is my own humble selection. I haven't even touched upon, Kalamkari, Bandhani, Lehariya, Maheshwari, Jamdani and many others that are worn.

Many times we complain that we Indians do not preserve our history. However in my opinion, our history is very much alive in many ways. When I drape a Paithani or Kanjivaram saree on myself, I am keenly aware that this particular garment, this type of weave, this quality of silk has been around for centuries.

In many other countries traditional garments are now discarded in favor of more western, practical wear. For example the Kimono is no longer worn in Japan even during weddings or other important occasions. In contrast the saree culture is still very current in India. When I was a lecturer at Sophia College, I wore sarees everyday. Women wear sarees to work even today, even police women wear khaki sarees while performing their duties!  Ours is a living history through our simple everyday actions and choices!

The Reluctant Immigrant

This was not the plan.

Mine was an arranged marriage. I had only one wish: to live in India permanently and preferably in Mumbai. I definitely did not want to live abroad and certainly not in the US. That was about the extent of thought devoted. Regarding the groom himself, there weren't too many demands!

As fate would have it after I got married, I was fortunate enough to live in India for 5 years and then after that, anywhere but. 5 years into my second stint here in the US I know that there is a very high likelihood that this will be my permanent home. After all, this is the adopted home of my daughters and therefore by default, mine. One thing I hope to avoid is being as far away from my daughters as I am from my parents.

Migration for better educational, employment, and lifestyle opportunities is an integral part of human history. If my ancestors had not left their tiny village of Gudhe  on the Konkan coast, the entire trajectory of my family would have been very different. I understand this and justify our own nomadic life to our daughters using this logic. 

Yet, I cannot but applaud those parents including mine that sent their children abroad knowing fully well that their return was unlikely. My brother and most of his peers left our country at the age of 21 never to return. How did my parents do it at a time when making phone calls was difficult and unaffordable and traveling impossible? During those times, India had severe restrictions on the amount of foreign exchange that could be carried abroad and even if the limit were higher, putting the money together was challenging for most. Colonization and the consequent low rate of development post- independence have a lot to answer for. The economy was barely crawling at 3%. There were no jobs for the young, freshly-minted graduates in our country so large numbers of young folks left for greener pastures. After 5 years in India, we left for foreign shores too.

My parents have always made time for me and visited me especially during crucial periods such as graduate exams in London and childbirth in Tokyo. Although short, those visits are like fresh rain falling on parched earth, like a gentle breeze carrying the fragrance of jasmine along. It's two weeks of simple activities: cooking, dropping and picking my daughter from school, accompanying me to the grocery store, watching Marathi serials in the evenings. And yet it’s these small things that make memories which get me through year. 


Despite how much I want to see them, the moment I see my parents walking out of the terminal, suitcases piled high on an unsteady cart, my heart sinks. I think of the dreaded goodbye. I try to shove the thought away but it lingers relentlessly. The two weeks that my parents are here we try and cram in as many activities as possible, trying to make the most of the short time. Each year I go back to India and spend about 3 weeks there. Each passing year it's getting harder and harder to say good bye. I dislike tearing up and despise lack of control over my feelings. Meeting for short periods and parting soon is emotionally exhausting. Airport goodbyes are the worst, those bright lights, the swirling crowds and baggage carts pushing into you....

I envy friends who are able to meet parents with ease. Sometimes I feel very torn between my children and my parents. Then I remember the sage words of my mother that love flows forward and downward, not upstream. "Maya Adho vahini".  Of course, I have to prioritize my kids. 

Was there another path that I could have taken? A way that would allow me to have the best of both worlds? I don't know. 

All I know is that this was not the plan. 

Diplomacy in the age of straight talk

These days one has to tread very gently. It's like walking on eggshells. Due to the unexpected turn of political events globally, What'sapp chat groups, Facebook comments and dinner discussions are dominated with thinly veiled disagreements that explode into full fledged fights. The best policy seems to be to refrain, abstain, avoid, cease and desist! But that's as easy as ignoring severe weather alerts that are beeping on your phone.  Any time you glance even sideways at a newspaper or TV channel, events are breaking at a breathtaking pace. Daily news is a soap opera edging out all other forms of entertainment. It's a ratings and revenue bonanza for the channels. It's all around us 24/7, so the question is how do you pretend that there is no elephant in the room? 

On chat groups we have made rules about what may be discussed. Partly out of the real or imagined  fear that big brother is watching and primarily because any pertinent topic can be an incendiary cocktail. 

What's the correct strategy? Should we stick to inane topics? Talk about the weather, exchange recipes, funny videos or talk about something "safe" such as women's rights (not)!  One lesson learnt is that you might agree with each other on a lot of issues but when it comes to political views, all bets are off. I have witnessed fights erupt over Narendra Modi, the Donald, Rani Padmavati the movie, and Brexit. These happened at different venues and in person and over multimedia. 

The truth is that nerves are frayed, and much like our politicians we have become intolerant of each other's views. I am not pointing fingers, I am guilty of the same at times. 

Civil discourse is a thing of the past or perhaps it never did exist. It is difficult to agree to disagree. Every discussion has to be a zero sum game. Live and let live is considered to be the language of the 'losers'. 

For me personally there is a ray of sunshine. 

I work at an organization where I interact with people from literally the entire world.  It is a good reminder that it's a big world out there and it's very liberating to know that there are all kinds of thoughts and views. 
Being an expatriate myself I have learnt a lot about being tolerant. Being an immigrant I can now understand how the migrant worker feels in my Mumbai; being brown in a primarily non-diverse town brings home to me the plight of minorities in our country. By reading, traveling and actually living in the other we can be sympathetic to a viewpoint that is contrary to ours. 

The world around us is changing rapidly, case in point, the three parent baby, men having the ability to reproduce(I rest my case!) ... We need to adapt too. 

The New, New Thing of Old! The Ayurvedic Diet.

NAMASTE

The age old practice of Yoga has long been reinvented, repackaged and is resold throughout the world and is very mainstream in the US. The practice of Yoga is mentioned in the Rigveda, a composition  of Sanskrit verses that is 4000 years old. It has come a long way since then, becoming a multi billion dollar industry. According to industry stats Americans spent $16 billion onYoga clothing and equipment in 2016 alone. Growing up in India very few of us have escaped this exercise form. Either at school or at a local aunty's home or a class, we were all exposed to Yoga. In those days it seemed to pale in comparison to the all steel and mirrors Talwalkar's gym and aerobic workouts. So I am particularly unable to get over my sense of bewilderment when I see Yoga studios on every street corner here in DC. These Yoga studios are quite intimidating. Gone are the days when you could wear comfortable clothing while doing Yoga, a loose kurta and some tights or a salwar. Now its all about lululemon see-through Yoga pants and midriff revealing extra tight Yoga tops. My local studio is overrun with men and women with rippling muscles, flat stomachs and perfectly toned bodies, completely self-absorbed in the beauty of their own appearance while grunting determinedly into the most complex asanas. I laugh when I remember my Power Yoga sessions in the community hall of the Bandra police colony without air-conditioning or frankly any room to spread out the mat.  We did 100 Surya Namaskars! That was Bikram yoga in its most natural form in the sweltering heat and humidity of the month of May in Mumbai!  

When the instructors talk about Yogasana and explain how the mind and body and cosmos and Om are all linked,  I am reminded of an evening in Bruges, Belgium several years ago. It had been several days of traveling through Europe and we had checked into our charming bed and breakfast and made our way to the town center. In the very midst of it, in this ancient city with cobbled streets, proudly stood a restaurant named Bhawani, named after a very strong and earthy Indian goddess. We were craving for some Indian food by that point in our trip and made a beeline for it. While there, the chef walked by our table and narrated to us the importance of turmeric in food. Surely he saw my mom sitting at our table with a big bindi on her forehead. The irony! Its a similar feeling with Yoga classes in my neighborhood. 

And here we are now, the next big industry is Ayurveda. My dear grandfather often made statements about pitta and vata and random things that did not seem to make sense. He urged me among other things to never skip meals, not to drink refrigerated water after my baby was  born and himself ate a spoonful of ghee everyday while announcing "ghritam aayuh" ( ghee is life! ) He has had the last laugh I have to admit. Almost everything he said about food was correct. All around me there is the buzz of Ayurvedic diet.  I was especially intrigued that my daughter attended an Ayurvedic cooking class in NYC! I am again floating in a sea of bewilderment.

This time I was determined to not be the last person to board the bus and decided to read up. 

Being a Sanskrit student, I know the meaning of the word Ayurveda = Ayuh : life + veda: knowledge.

5 elements of the universe ( space, air, fire, water and earth) combine to make three doshas in our bodies; vata (space and air), pitta (fire and water) and kapha (water and earth). Each one of us manifests a combination of these doshas. Mind you, dosha also means fault as opposed to guna that means a good quality in you! It is the balance of these doshas that determine your health; mental and physical.  It is the food that we eat that play a big role in shaping our doshas. 

It is not surprising that Ayurvedic studies have captured the imagination of the world at large. With the increase in inexplicable illnesses including among children such as asthma, allergies, eczema etc, allopathy has limited answers. Allopathic medicines have severe side effects. Whereas Ayurveda is a long term approach to better and healthy living. Ayurveda requires patience as there are no quick fixes. In case of any serious illness there is no alternative other than allopathy. 

A basic search on the web revealed the usual overload of too much information.  How do I sift through all this? Then I got to thinking, am I not already following the Ayurvedic diet?  Everytime I cook my Maharashtrian or Indian meal, I throw in a mix of spices and ingredients, no questions asked. Generations before me have cooked exactly in the same way. What is it that I throw in the hot oil when I cook and why? Pretty much everything I make starts with heating a couple of tablespoons of oil and adding in a blend of the following items: Mustard seeds, cumin seeds, asafoetida, curry leaves, green chillies, and turmeric. Many times the preparation involves, kokum, tamarind, jaggery, kala masala, garlic, ginger, whole spices such as cloves and cardamoms, sometimes methi seeds and so on.

                                                            Marathi Kala Masala 

Following this simple traditional home diet my beloved grandparents enjoyed a long and healthy life span and passed away without any prolonged hospitalization.  I decided that there must be some strong reasoning behind this technique: I decided to investigate each ingredient.* 

Turmeric:

Curcumin which is contained in turmeric is an anti-inflammatory substance. Hence it is beneficial for all conditions that include inflammation, ranging from cancer to headaches. Many times it is applied topically as an antiseptic. 

Mustard seeds: Contain selenium and magnesium which are anti inflammatory and also contain phytonutrients which aid digestion. Selenium helps with Asthma and Arthritis and magnesium with blood pressure. In addition mustard seeds have other components which are beneficial to your health. 

Cumin seeds: While used for various reasons, primarily aid digestion. 

Asafoetida: Primarily aids digestion but it is also found to have properties to fight bronchitis and asthma apart from acting as an anti oxidant. 

Curry leaves:   

Packed with carbohydrates, fiber, calcium, phosphorous, irons and vitamins like vitamin C, vitamin A, vitamin B, vitamin E, curry leaves help your heart function better, fight infections and can enliven your hair and skin with vitality.

Green chillies:  These boost ones metabolism, are cancer fighters, help fight cardiovascular disease and actually lower the body temperature by tricking the brain. This is a great property in hot countries. They contain endorphins, Vit C and beta carotene. 

Ghee: My favorite fat! The good fat that beats all the evil bad fat and tastes divine. Its the most superior dairy product. Cream the floats on top of milk is made into yogurt, which is churned into butter milk, out of which white butter is extracted, which when cooked turns into ghee. 

  

I feel so much better! I am an it girl, in with the new, new thing! All I have to do is continue preparing food that I am most familiar with and that I have grown up eating and hopefully I am ensuring good health for myself and my family. How did the gurus and yogis and housewives figure all this out thousands of years ago? It is an eternal mystery. All I need to reduce are the not-so-occasional forays into deep fried foods and alcohol. 

When I got married, I was gifted a masala box as were all my friends. The best wedding present ever!  The key to a healthy and long life. 

I would like to add that in my opinion, each culture has its own unique healthy cuisine which is the secret to good health and longevity. Whether it is Japanese, Italian, Mediterranean or Ethiopian, follow your cuisine with sincerity and expect good results. 

* All of the above information is obtained from websites such as NDTV, WebMd, Times of India. 

* I have deep knowledge of neither Yoga nor Ayurveda. 

My 8 am friends

What a lovely start to the day today! I connected  with some dear friends from Manila and then from India. Had a chat with my Mom and thought about my conversation with my daughter yesterday. Happy, pleasant thoughts. All this before 9 am! 

Whichever city I have relocated to I have had an 8 am friend. 8 am is the magic hour of the day when kids have been packed off to school and spouses are at work. After the hectic churn of the early morning, there is a sudden lull in activities and not enough enthusiasm to start on the dull routine of cleaning up, or cooking or paying bills or heading to the gym or any other gainful pursuit. That's when the phone rings in a most inviting manner and it is time to sit down with the second cuppa for a short chat with the 8 am friend. Every little detail is shared, what did you make for dinner, what are your plans today, the kid that gave you a hard time that day and of course the hapless hubby.

Until I have my 8 am buddy, I don't feel like I am settled. In Tokyo, it was my neighbor who would call me without fail as she drove off to work. This was often followed by thermoses filled with tea to be enjoyed by the school playground with other expat parents. In New York, it was coffee after dropping of the kids at play school at Two Little Red Hens and in Mumbai what would I have done without my dear friend and neighbor. We had tea every other day on her terrace with some yummy breakfast! Manila was filled with badminton mornings with the customary bottomless cup of tea and a whole bunch of friends. Yes folks, I will be the first to admit; it is a charmed existence. 

It was those mundane everyday exchanges that gave me the reassurance that I was not alone in my journey. It was not I alone taking those early stumbles and making cultural fumbles. There was a tremendous feeling of comfort in hearing people talking about the same problems. Like the Japanese tutor who learned more English from me rather than me learning Japanese from her! Or the complex tipping rituals in NYC. Dealing with an utterly different Mumbai than the one I had left behind 10 years ago or figuring out how to manage the 'staff' in Manila.

I am eternally grateful to my 8 am friends for patiently listening to my whining because truthfully I would find it hard to survive without those conversations in all those yet unfamiliar new locations. 

Gradually  the phone call has gone out of style and we are all on our devices from the moment we wake up. I catch up with all the groups from all over the world as I am rolling out of bed. Cheering some, wishing some, offering condolences at times, and advice at others. Life is great, thanks dear friends! 

LONDON, TOKYO OR NEW YORK........

Often I am asked this question which city did I like the most ? I never thought of these cities with the idea of ranking them according to my preference. Each city is so unique, with such a distinct culture and place in world consciousness; each city is so well-known, much visited that my stating of their ranking seemed redundant. However when I was asked multiple times, I forced myself to think about my complete experience. When you live somewhere, it is such a present moment experience, while grappling with the sweat and tears of a relocation and the thrill of the move, who has time to get a birds-eye view?

 I visited London after I moved out of there after 5 years and I remember thinking, 'what a nice city to visit'. Does that mean that it was not such a great city to live in? That got me thinking about the difference between visiting a place and experiencing it as a resident. 1996 December, London looked like a very elaborate toy-town as the flight came in to land at Heathrow. Arriving in London, the first thrill was that all the names we read off the Monopoly board as kids were real places with grand old structures and train stations. It was all so deceptively familiar and yet so completely alien. We lived initially in a small transit apartment off Hyde Park. Landing on a snowy day in December, the first thing we had to do was to rush off and buy some food as our little daughter was starving and claimed that she could smell daal bhaat as we were driving to our temporary residence from the airport. London was our first posting outside India and we learnt a lot about our host country and about ourselves in the next three years. When we moved to our own house in East Putney shortly, the things that stand out in my memory are the silence so thick that it was deafening, the unbelievable beauty of our neighborhood and the very friendly neighbors. The silence is something we are quite unused to in the busy, bustling, crowded cities and towns of India. A bit of culture clash was bound to occur until we understood and followed some common courtesies and learnt to tackle some rough exteriors among our adopted fellow citizens. I think I encountered several acts of extreme kindness and the occasional rudeness as I did wherever I have lived. Since our daughter was small, we visited Legoland and other play parks a lot. Driving was such fun and the countryside, every bit as spectacular as described in books. Pictures do no justice to the astonishing beauty of the British countryside. London was like a perfect postcard photo, interesting, exciting with infinite possibilities; and yet it never felt like home. We were newbies at the relocation game, I blame it on that!

London to Tokyo, what a transition! Tokyo is Asia and yet overtly very westernized. Over 4 years of my stay there I saw many layers in the society that made it a much more familiar culture.

My daughter's first birthday with the Hinamatsuri set in the background lent by a friend for the occasion.

Japan was as exotic as it gets. This blogpost is too small to even record the myriad experiences and emotions that was Japan. What stands out is how very safe it was! Children as small as 6 could travel alone with out any fear. They just raised their tiny hands and the whole traffic came to a halt to let them cross the road. The food, the culture, the bowing and the sheer gentleness of the place left a very deep impression. Some amusing observations......Japanese citizenry refers to its country as Nihon and themselves as Nihonjin. All official, government documents refer to Japan as Nippon. You will not hear the word Japan in Japan at all! Taxis in Tokyo are a huge contrast from the ones in NYC. They are beautifully upholstered and covered in pristine white lace panels. The driver wears clean white gloves while driving and is extremely polite and courteous and there is NO tipping. There is only one thing that can get him really upset and that is if you slam the passenger door shut as you exit the cab because  this door is designed to shut automatically. It took a few annoyed looks for me to remember to never shut the taxi door. 

We were so fearless in Japan, we traveled everywhere. We would just take a map, load the car and drive out. Never mind that the moment you left central Tokyo, the signs turned Japanese and no one spoke English. That's how great it was. Hiroshima to Sapporo, Kyoto to Nagano prefecture, we traveled a lot. After 4 years there, it was time to move on. I have many Indian friends in Tokyo, who have made it their home. They run electronics businesses, restaurants, jewelry businesses or work for organizations. But for me it could never be permanent.

East River from my apartment

Well, we landed in the Big Apple, right in midtown, Park Avenue. I wondered, how would I ever live here. It was so intimidating; the fast paced tap-tap-tap of high heels on the streets, the crazy tipping culture, the constant wailing of sirens, the aggressive 'have a nice day' s thrown in your direction! But all that changed when we moved into the much more residential Upper East Side apartment. What a great life, friendly doormen, grocery staff, laundry guys and neighbors. A great book club with my new friends, and lot of old friends who had congregated in NYC made life wonderful. It was the city culture that I was used to from Mumbai and so I felt so much more comfortable here. Yet some things one has to adapt to; Get used to greeting people whether it is the coffee and bagel vendor or the corner fruit seller. Shoot out greetings clearly as a mere formality, but its important to do it. Each time you enter or exit your apartment block, spend a minute saying hello to the building staff. They will be your friends throughout. I returned to my apartment building after 7 years but they all remembered me and it was very nice chatting with all of them. The most wonderful thing that I learnt is that wherever you are from, whatever may be your appearance and accent, you will soon consider yourself a New Yorker, because no other city will accept you with wide open arms as will NYC.  Its truly a great immigrant experience, a real melting pot. 

Its a tough choice, London, Tokyo or New York...............when my heart is always roaming the streets of Mumbai, jumping in and out of BEST buses and wandering through the rooms in my parents home. I have not even written about Mumbai (part two), Manila and now Maryland, that would make for a very long blog piece! 

London, Tokyo, New York, legendary cities, unparalleled experiences, but the mad chaos of the Big Apple and the personal space you create there never leaves you. Would go back in a heartbeat.