The Invisible Red Thread or Two degrees of separation..........

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."  -Ancient Chinese Proverb

Each time I move to a new place life starts as if on a blank slate, a fresh canvas. Some places there are relatives, distant cousins, who provide the vital crutch that is required in these situations. After all it is only family that will rally when circumstances are dire.  In some cities like Tokyo one does not have that advantage; over there one relies on distant friends of friends! Some people don't need the feeling of belonging to a place or community, they are content in themselves; but I am not one of those. Having grown up constantly surrounded by family and having spent much of my childhood in residential colonies, I feel comfortable when I establish a network of friends that I can rely on. 

In most places now I have noticed something very interesting.....the phenomenon of six degrees of separation, or in some cases 2 degrees. This came sharply into focus upon my move here to Maryland. It turned out that my neighbor here and I were living on the same street in Colaba in Mumbai; another newly made friend grew up in a building right behind mine in Worli and we could actually wave to each other last summer when we both were visiting and best of all, my Junior College bench-buddy lives 5 minutes away from me here! If that was not enough, I went to a dinner party and met complete strangers and within minutes found several close connections with many of them. A million different connections with people I didn't know existed! In Manila I experienced something similar even if on a smaller scale. In London and New York the experience was identical. It is just uncanny the way these links come up. Some might very well say that while it is true that there are a billion Indians, the opportunity space exists in only certain cities, certain schools and colleges. So essentially one is interacting with people who lead analogous lives to us and hence all the connections. 

But I would rather believe in the Chinese proverb that an invisible red thread connects those destined to meet ............ I find something magical and mystical in the connections that I make in new cities, it makes me feel that the unfailing hand of my karma guides me to these destinations. 

Angkor Wat: The Kingdom of Dreams

Our family embarked on a much-awaited trip to Cambodia in 2011 over the “holy week” holidays in the Philippines where we then resided.  As soon as we landed at the Siem Reap international airport and were greeted with hands folded in Namaste by everyone including the customs officer, we knew that a magical trip was about to begin.  Going into our hotel, we were stunned to see a brass mural depicting the Sagar Manthan, churning of the sea, with the Devas on one side, Asuras on the other, Indra in the centre and Vishnu in the avatar of Kuruma at the bottom. The lasting image of this country, Cambodia, 2000 miles away from India is the frequent depiction of this ancient tale of the churning of the ocean almost wherever you go.

It was my desire to visit Angkor ever since I was aware that such a place exists; an ancient Hindu kingdom in a far flung corner of Asia. The idea was fascinating and the monuments lived up to every bit of charm and magic that I imagined. The Angkor Empire existed for 600 years from AD 800 to AD 1432, only to be mysteriously abandoned and then accidently rediscovered 400 years later by a French naturalist in 1860. 

The most impressive of all is Angkor Wat which means city temple. It is the world’s largest monument built by King Suryavarman II in the early 12^th century. Surrounded by a 4 mile long moat, it is considered to be an unparalleled engineering feat in the pre-industrialized world. Flanked by nagas and lions, stand the 5 towers representing the complete microcosm of the Hindu religion, Mount Meru and its surroundings. In one of the side entrances we had the opportunity to pay obeisance to a gigantic statue of Vishnu with 6 arms and a beard! There it stood 20 feet tall glancing impassively at the millions of visitors over many centuries. 

Such beauty, such grandeur all came to an abrupt end in the 15^th century. What transpired?  The king wanted the holy Ganga to flow through his kingdom. So at the source of the river he constructed a thousand Shivalingas to bless the water as it flowed down into the city. The people of Angkor Wat developed a most sophisticated irrigation and water management system. The entire river was diverted through various canals into huge reservoirs, two measuring 16 square kms, dug by hand.  Plenty of water, blessed by the Gods, to irrigate the rice fields and make the land fertile and therefore plenty of food supply to support a vast army and to feed a population of about a million people. 

However, over 600 years, the people became victims of their own genius. The water in the canals that ran through the city, bore into the ground, making the levels drop wreaking havoc with the food supply. The Siams (Thai) were always waiting for opportunities to attack. Gradually the territory started getting chipped away, the kingdom began to shrink. 

Third Culture Kids

Third culture kids are those that have spent their formative years in a culture that is other than that of their parents. Many of us in the expat community have kids that fall in this category. My kids definitely are third culture kids or TCKs. Both of them either through birth or through residence, lived in countries other than India in their formative years. This has left our family with a mixed bag of experiences; some very happy moments and memories and some a bit painful and difficult. Relocating to a new country, new continent, new neighborhood and new school every three or four years is extremely challenging. Saying goodbye to friends, classmates, building doormen and neighborhood grocers etc is heart wrenching each time. Relocating after all is the third most challenging situation in life after death and divorce!

At the same time saying hello to a whole new world is equally thrilling and exciting for everyone in the family. To those who have never moved it appears to be impossible to imagine, this constant uprooting and replanting. My boss, Professor S at Adelphi University would say to me often, how do you do it Padmini?! Having lived on Long Island his entire life, it was incomprehensible. Some relatives and friends in Mumbai would look at me puzzled, trying to figure out if there was some problem in our lives  which made us move every few years!

But my kids, the TCKs, are such a beautiful blend of British, Japanese, American and Philippino cultures and yet are essentially Indian. They are at home whether in Mumbai or New York;  feel equally comfortable in rikshas or underground trains and find shopping in street markets as exciting as shopping on fifth avenue, love eating sushi, panipuri and shepherd's pie!

When they are much older they will look back at their unique childhood and rejoice in the fact that they are truly global citizens. Until then we just march on, welcoming new friends into our lives and overcoming the tragedy of growing distant from the friends we made in our last port of call.