The Reluctant Immigrant

This was not the plan.

Mine was an arranged marriage. I had only one wish: to live in India permanently and preferably in Mumbai. I definitely did not want to live abroad and certainly not in the US. That was about the extent of thought devoted. Regarding the groom himself, there weren't too many demands!

As fate would have it after I got married, I was fortunate enough to live in India for 5 years and then after that, anywhere but. 5 years into my second stint here in the US I know that there is a very high likelihood that this will be my permanent home. After all, this is the adopted home of my daughters and therefore by default, mine. One thing I hope to avoid is being as far away from my daughters as I am from my parents.

Migration for better educational, employment, and lifestyle opportunities is an integral part of human history. If my ancestors had not left their tiny village of Gudhe  on the Konkan coast, the entire trajectory of my family would have been very different. I understand this and justify our own nomadic life to our daughters using this logic. 

Yet, I cannot but applaud those parents including mine that sent their children abroad knowing fully well that their return was unlikely. My brother and most of his peers left our country at the age of 21 never to return. How did my parents do it at a time when making phone calls was difficult and unaffordable and traveling impossible? During those times, India had severe restrictions on the amount of foreign exchange that could be carried abroad and even if the limit were higher, putting the money together was challenging for most. Colonization and the consequent low rate of development post- independence have a lot to answer for. The economy was barely crawling at 3%. There were no jobs for the young, freshly-minted graduates in our country so large numbers of young folks left for greener pastures. After 5 years in India, we left for foreign shores too.

My parents have always made time for me and visited me especially during crucial periods such as graduate exams in London and childbirth in Tokyo. Although short, those visits are like fresh rain falling on parched earth, like a gentle breeze carrying the fragrance of jasmine along. It's two weeks of simple activities: cooking, dropping and picking my daughter from school, accompanying me to the grocery store, watching Marathi serials in the evenings. And yet it’s these small things that make memories which get me through year. 


Despite how much I want to see them, the moment I see my parents walking out of the terminal, suitcases piled high on an unsteady cart, my heart sinks. I think of the dreaded goodbye. I try to shove the thought away but it lingers relentlessly. The two weeks that my parents are here we try and cram in as many activities as possible, trying to make the most of the short time. Each year I go back to India and spend about 3 weeks there. Each passing year it's getting harder and harder to say good bye. I dislike tearing up and despise lack of control over my feelings. Meeting for short periods and parting soon is emotionally exhausting. Airport goodbyes are the worst, those bright lights, the swirling crowds and baggage carts pushing into you....

I envy friends who are able to meet parents with ease. Sometimes I feel very torn between my children and my parents. Then I remember the sage words of my mother that love flows forward and downward, not upstream. "Maya Adho vahini".  Of course, I have to prioritize my kids. 

Was there another path that I could have taken? A way that would allow me to have the best of both worlds? I don't know. 

All I know is that this was not the plan. 

Diplomacy in the age of straight talk

These days one has to tread very gently. It's like walking on eggshells. Due to the unexpected turn of political events globally, What'sapp chat groups, Facebook comments and dinner discussions are dominated with thinly veiled disagreements that explode into full fledged fights. The best policy seems to be to refrain, abstain, avoid, cease and desist! But that's as easy as ignoring severe weather alerts that are beeping on your phone.  Any time you glance even sideways at a newspaper or TV channel, events are breaking at a breathtaking pace. Daily news is a soap opera edging out all other forms of entertainment. It's a ratings and revenue bonanza for the channels. It's all around us 24/7, so the question is how do you pretend that there is no elephant in the room? 

On chat groups we have made rules about what may be discussed. Partly out of the real or imagined  fear that big brother is watching and primarily because any pertinent topic can be an incendiary cocktail. 

What's the correct strategy? Should we stick to inane topics? Talk about the weather, exchange recipes, funny videos or talk about something "safe" such as women's rights (not)!  One lesson learnt is that you might agree with each other on a lot of issues but when it comes to political views, all bets are off. I have witnessed fights erupt over Narendra Modi, the Donald, Rani Padmavati the movie, and Brexit. These happened at different venues and in person and over multimedia. 

The truth is that nerves are frayed, and much like our politicians we have become intolerant of each other's views. I am not pointing fingers, I am guilty of the same at times. 

Civil discourse is a thing of the past or perhaps it never did exist. It is difficult to agree to disagree. Every discussion has to be a zero sum game. Live and let live is considered to be the language of the 'losers'. 

For me personally there is a ray of sunshine. 

I work at an organization where I interact with people from literally the entire world.  It is a good reminder that it's a big world out there and it's very liberating to know that there are all kinds of thoughts and views. 
Being an expatriate myself I have learnt a lot about being tolerant. Being an immigrant I can now understand how the migrant worker feels in my Mumbai; being brown in a primarily non-diverse town brings home to me the plight of minorities in our country. By reading, traveling and actually living in the other we can be sympathetic to a viewpoint that is contrary to ours. 

The world around us is changing rapidly, case in point, the three parent baby, men having the ability to reproduce(I rest my case!) ... We need to adapt too. 

The New, New Thing of Old! The Ayurvedic Diet.

NAMASTE

The age old practice of Yoga has long been reinvented, repackaged and is resold throughout the world and is very mainstream in the US. The practice of Yoga is mentioned in the Rigveda, a composition  of Sanskrit verses that is 4000 years old. It has come a long way since then, becoming a multi billion dollar industry. According to industry stats Americans spent $16 billion onYoga clothing and equipment in 2016 alone. Growing up in India very few of us have escaped this exercise form. Either at school or at a local aunty's home or a class, we were all exposed to Yoga. In those days it seemed to pale in comparison to the all steel and mirrors Talwalkar's gym and aerobic workouts. So I am particularly unable to get over my sense of bewilderment when I see Yoga studios on every street corner here in DC. These Yoga studios are quite intimidating. Gone are the days when you could wear comfortable clothing while doing Yoga, a loose kurta and some tights or a salwar. Now its all about lululemon see-through Yoga pants and midriff revealing extra tight Yoga tops. My local studio is overrun with men and women with rippling muscles, flat stomachs and perfectly toned bodies, completely self-absorbed in the beauty of their own appearance while grunting determinedly into the most complex asanas. I laugh when I remember my Power Yoga sessions in the community hall of the Bandra police colony without air-conditioning or frankly any room to spread out the mat.  We did 100 Surya Namaskars! That was Bikram yoga in its most natural form in the sweltering heat and humidity of the month of May in Mumbai!  

When the instructors talk about Yogasana and explain how the mind and body and cosmos and Om are all linked,  I am reminded of an evening in Bruges, Belgium several years ago. It had been several days of traveling through Europe and we had checked into our charming bed and breakfast and made our way to the town center. In the very midst of it, in this ancient city with cobbled streets, proudly stood a restaurant named Bhawani, named after a very strong and earthy Indian goddess. We were craving for some Indian food by that point in our trip and made a beeline for it. While there, the chef walked by our table and narrated to us the importance of turmeric in food. Surely he saw my mom sitting at our table with a big bindi on her forehead. The irony! Its a similar feeling with Yoga classes in my neighborhood. 

And here we are now, the next big industry is Ayurveda. My dear grandfather often made statements about pitta and vata and random things that did not seem to make sense. He urged me among other things to never skip meals, not to drink refrigerated water after my baby was  born and himself ate a spoonful of ghee everyday while announcing "ghritam aayuh" ( ghee is life! ) He has had the last laugh I have to admit. Almost everything he said about food was correct. All around me there is the buzz of Ayurvedic diet.  I was especially intrigued that my daughter attended an Ayurvedic cooking class in NYC! I am again floating in a sea of bewilderment.

This time I was determined to not be the last person to board the bus and decided to read up. 

Being a Sanskrit student, I know the meaning of the word Ayurveda = Ayuh : life + veda: knowledge.

5 elements of the universe ( space, air, fire, water and earth) combine to make three doshas in our bodies; vata (space and air), pitta (fire and water) and kapha (water and earth). Each one of us manifests a combination of these doshas. Mind you, dosha also means fault as opposed to guna that means a good quality in you! It is the balance of these doshas that determine your health; mental and physical.  It is the food that we eat that play a big role in shaping our doshas. 

It is not surprising that Ayurvedic studies have captured the imagination of the world at large. With the increase in inexplicable illnesses including among children such as asthma, allergies, eczema etc, allopathy has limited answers. Allopathic medicines have severe side effects. Whereas Ayurveda is a long term approach to better and healthy living. Ayurveda requires patience as there are no quick fixes. In case of any serious illness there is no alternative other than allopathy. 

A basic search on the web revealed the usual overload of too much information.  How do I sift through all this? Then I got to thinking, am I not already following the Ayurvedic diet?  Everytime I cook my Maharashtrian or Indian meal, I throw in a mix of spices and ingredients, no questions asked. Generations before me have cooked exactly in the same way. What is it that I throw in the hot oil when I cook and why? Pretty much everything I make starts with heating a couple of tablespoons of oil and adding in a blend of the following items: Mustard seeds, cumin seeds, asafoetida, curry leaves, green chillies, and turmeric. Many times the preparation involves, kokum, tamarind, jaggery, kala masala, garlic, ginger, whole spices such as cloves and cardamoms, sometimes methi seeds and so on.

                                                            Marathi Kala Masala 

Following this simple traditional home diet my beloved grandparents enjoyed a long and healthy life span and passed away without any prolonged hospitalization.  I decided that there must be some strong reasoning behind this technique: I decided to investigate each ingredient.* 

Turmeric:

Curcumin which is contained in turmeric is an anti-inflammatory substance. Hence it is beneficial for all conditions that include inflammation, ranging from cancer to headaches. Many times it is applied topically as an antiseptic. 

Mustard seeds: Contain selenium and magnesium which are anti inflammatory and also contain phytonutrients which aid digestion. Selenium helps with Asthma and Arthritis and magnesium with blood pressure. In addition mustard seeds have other components which are beneficial to your health. 

Cumin seeds: While used for various reasons, primarily aid digestion. 

Asafoetida: Primarily aids digestion but it is also found to have properties to fight bronchitis and asthma apart from acting as an anti oxidant. 

Curry leaves:   

Packed with carbohydrates, fiber, calcium, phosphorous, irons and vitamins like vitamin C, vitamin A, vitamin B, vitamin E, curry leaves help your heart function better, fight infections and can enliven your hair and skin with vitality.

Green chillies:  These boost ones metabolism, are cancer fighters, help fight cardiovascular disease and actually lower the body temperature by tricking the brain. This is a great property in hot countries. They contain endorphins, Vit C and beta carotene. 

Ghee: My favorite fat! The good fat that beats all the evil bad fat and tastes divine. Its the most superior dairy product. Cream the floats on top of milk is made into yogurt, which is churned into butter milk, out of which white butter is extracted, which when cooked turns into ghee. 

  

I feel so much better! I am an it girl, in with the new, new thing! All I have to do is continue preparing food that I am most familiar with and that I have grown up eating and hopefully I am ensuring good health for myself and my family. How did the gurus and yogis and housewives figure all this out thousands of years ago? It is an eternal mystery. All I need to reduce are the not-so-occasional forays into deep fried foods and alcohol. 

When I got married, I was gifted a masala box as were all my friends. The best wedding present ever!  The key to a healthy and long life. 

I would like to add that in my opinion, each culture has its own unique healthy cuisine which is the secret to good health and longevity. Whether it is Japanese, Italian, Mediterranean or Ethiopian, follow your cuisine with sincerity and expect good results. 

* All of the above information is obtained from websites such as NDTV, WebMd, Times of India. 

* I have deep knowledge of neither Yoga nor Ayurveda.