Stability vs Change

Last weekend we had the pleasure of attending a wonderful Kathak dance performance presented by a young and exceptionally talented high school graduate here in Virginia. As we watched her dance, we could only wonder about what it takes to raise a child so well integrated between two cultures, Indian and American. That a child can play soccer and score straight As, get admitted to one of the top colleges and yet excel at this traditional Indian dance form made us marvel at the successful upbringing. Great credit to the parents and to the parenting style that produces such a confident young artiste. In the past we had noticed that children from the minority communities would prefer to associate with the American culture or the dominant culture rather than with the culture of origin. Here we have observed a reversal and a nice balance between past and present.

So I paused to examine some other factors that have to equally be given their due merit in this end result. There is a well established Indian community here in the DMV area, many speaking the same native language, celebrating the same festivals and composed of people who have migrated approximately at the same time. All strangers who came together 20-30 years ago to form a unique community that worked hard to recreate a cultural context for themselves and their children.

Being a wondrously mobile family ourselves, we often stop to think about the alternate life; sort of 'the road not taken' or if anyone has seen the excellent movie 'Sliding Doors'; what if Gwyneth Paltrow had not boarded the train? What if we had stayed stable in one spot for many years and made it our home as an alternative to our 6 international moves averaging 2-3 years per relocation? Clearly there are advantages and disadvantages..........as perfectly encapsulated in a conversation between my daughter and her cousin a few years ago. My daughter was sighing over the fact that her cousin got to stay in a suburb of Philadelphia, in the same school all through Middle and High School years whereas my niece complained to her parents "why do they get to live in all the exciting places?"! It's only human nature that we often 'pine for what is not'. I have heard similar remarks from other kids who find relocation exciting. As a family we gained a lot; a unique perspective, a bird's eye view, a degree of objectivity which can only be obtained when we remove ourselves and look in from the outside. We had the most thrilling adventures as we traveled from place to place, lived amongst and interacted with locals. We thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of our lives from British teacups to Japanese sayonaras.......

If we did miss out on something it was building up of or nurturing unique talents, other than academics. And we missed the feeling of rootedness. There are many who manage all this too and hats off to them because I know how difficult it is.  Finding the right doctors, dentists, and teachers takes time. Creating a bond with the teacher takes even longer. To then emerge as an advanced talent under the circumstances would be a great achievement.
As migrant communities we must strive to achieve this end result of beautifully balanced children that are culturally adaptable, adept at relationships and well integrated.